Friday, January 15, 2010
boom boom pow, that bitch be jocking my style.
If I had a penny for every time I felt like a dumb ass girl...I would be rich. It seems to me that I am just incompetent. Boys, school, life, anything. I just dont get the concept of it all apparently. Currently, I am listening to sad depressing music and writing lyrics. I swear Im not emo;) Short post, but thats what is on my mind:/
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Its been awhile...
With the start of classes for the quarter beginning, and all the busy stuff going on in my life i have not had time to blog. So many things have happened, but i wouldnt have it any other way. You know that time in your life...everybody has felt this feeling before...When you just sit back and watch life spin around you at 309749869863 miles an hour, and the only thing you can do is smile. Ive been doing a lot of that lately. Things are just going where they want to go, end of story.
Sorority life is back in full swing:) A TG tonight with Theta Chi makes me ohhhhh sooooo happy. I am so glad to be back, but at the same time I am finding that balancing my time has become a chaos. The New Years resolution states that I will only drink on weekends, I will work out everyday, I will do well in school...thats A LOT to live up too. I feel like Cait and I are becoming extremely distant:( Thats sad, since we spent everyday together last quarter. The only thing I can come up with is this is a new chapter of my life, and theres a reason why that is happening.
Best Buy, or something else...haha. The first day of classes I decided...fuck my 17 inch I weigh more than anything in the world laptop, Im buying a new smaller one. So AMR and KDK took me to BestBuy to help me shop. I felt bad because the roads were awful, but we made it just fine. So were there looking around, and my original plan was to buy a netbook. They are smaller than a book, and that would have been fabulous, but I found a 13 inch Toshiba regular laptop...I didnt know what to do. I decided to walk the store pondering my decision. AMR and I were traveling all around as I am the most indecisive person in this world. I couldnt pick what I want if my life depended on it. Haha. Well we were traveling in the tv area(Andys place, lol)when my mind started drifting off my decision of buying a computer to thinking about me and him. KDK approached us, he was not happy. I felt really bad, KDK always feels alienated when the three of us venture out together. Im gonna have to fix that:) I dont want to lose him. KDK walked away, and thats when word vomit came up..."I think I want to be your girlfriend." I said to AMR. "We this is something were gonna have to talk about." he said. Good. I finally said what I wanted too.
That night...it was official. I thought I didnt want a boyfriend, because of all the stress of sorority life, and AMR's ex, and all the drama that surrounds...but I do. He makes me the happiest person when Im around him, I dont want to lose him. There has to be a way for me to do both:) I hope he can deal with me being stubborn;) The only problem is...I have serious trust issues. I am soooo scared to fall in love again, it has broke me too many times. I have such bad anxiety, I just hope I can let my guard down.
PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR! Sooooo tis the season to be looking for a new place to love for next school year, and I Danielle WILL NOT SPEND ANOTHER YEAR IN ALPHA PHI SORORITY HOUSE! Im done. I absolutely cannot stand all the rules, I am 20 yrs old, and a junior in college, I do what I want! haha, but seriously. Anyways, because of my bestest friend KDK we decided next year were gonna kick it. Whether we find a 4 bdrm and all of us WB, AMR, KDK, and myself live together, or we find a 2 bdrm and just KDK and I. We will figure it out. Living all together poses one problem...AMR and I are official now, so technically I would be living with my significant other. You see, for most girls...this would be an issue. For me, not so much. Im a pretty laid back chick, and AMR is the same in a guys form, I dont really see much going wrong. I think next year will be one great time if it really does work out. We found this great 4brdrm place in Georgetown, but we wont know if we can live there until April:/ We will see what happens.
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. Had a panic attack last night...not quite sure why? Im so glad KDK was here, I was freaking. I fucking hate them. Panic attacks feel like death, and Im soooo happy right now. I just need to stop thinking all together:)
Sorority life is back in full swing:) A TG tonight with Theta Chi makes me ohhhhh sooooo happy. I am so glad to be back, but at the same time I am finding that balancing my time has become a chaos. The New Years resolution states that I will only drink on weekends, I will work out everyday, I will do well in school...thats A LOT to live up too. I feel like Cait and I are becoming extremely distant:( Thats sad, since we spent everyday together last quarter. The only thing I can come up with is this is a new chapter of my life, and theres a reason why that is happening.
Best Buy, or something else...haha. The first day of classes I decided...fuck my 17 inch I weigh more than anything in the world laptop, Im buying a new smaller one. So AMR and KDK took me to BestBuy to help me shop. I felt bad because the roads were awful, but we made it just fine. So were there looking around, and my original plan was to buy a netbook. They are smaller than a book, and that would have been fabulous, but I found a 13 inch Toshiba regular laptop...I didnt know what to do. I decided to walk the store pondering my decision. AMR and I were traveling all around as I am the most indecisive person in this world. I couldnt pick what I want if my life depended on it. Haha. Well we were traveling in the tv area(Andys place, lol)when my mind started drifting off my decision of buying a computer to thinking about me and him. KDK approached us, he was not happy. I felt really bad, KDK always feels alienated when the three of us venture out together. Im gonna have to fix that:) I dont want to lose him. KDK walked away, and thats when word vomit came up..."I think I want to be your girlfriend." I said to AMR. "We this is something were gonna have to talk about." he said. Good. I finally said what I wanted too.
That night...it was official. I thought I didnt want a boyfriend, because of all the stress of sorority life, and AMR's ex, and all the drama that surrounds...but I do. He makes me the happiest person when Im around him, I dont want to lose him. There has to be a way for me to do both:) I hope he can deal with me being stubborn;) The only problem is...I have serious trust issues. I am soooo scared to fall in love again, it has broke me too many times. I have such bad anxiety, I just hope I can let my guard down.
PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR! Sooooo tis the season to be looking for a new place to love for next school year, and I Danielle WILL NOT SPEND ANOTHER YEAR IN ALPHA PHI SORORITY HOUSE! Im done. I absolutely cannot stand all the rules, I am 20 yrs old, and a junior in college, I do what I want! haha, but seriously. Anyways, because of my bestest friend KDK we decided next year were gonna kick it. Whether we find a 4 bdrm and all of us WB, AMR, KDK, and myself live together, or we find a 2 bdrm and just KDK and I. We will figure it out. Living all together poses one problem...AMR and I are official now, so technically I would be living with my significant other. You see, for most girls...this would be an issue. For me, not so much. Im a pretty laid back chick, and AMR is the same in a guys form, I dont really see much going wrong. I think next year will be one great time if it really does work out. We found this great 4brdrm place in Georgetown, but we wont know if we can live there until April:/ We will see what happens.
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. Had a panic attack last night...not quite sure why? Im so glad KDK was here, I was freaking. I fucking hate them. Panic attacks feel like death, and Im soooo happy right now. I just need to stop thinking all together:)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Happy Fucking New Year! WTF is total?
New Years turned out to be better than I imagined even though we didnt venture to NYC. We went out shopping, and made our own rocking new years eve party right here in Columbus, Ohio. Let me just put it this way...I only made it to see the ball drop because of AMR. About five minutes or shortly after the ball the dropped I was passed out on the floor of KDK's room. Lovely...I guess that goes to show I cannot keep up with a 250 lb man. FML!
If you or anyone else thinks this night went down drama free, you are saddly mistake. There was plenty of drama to fill anyones hearts with desire. Where to begin...?
First of all, it sucked going into the night because my friend AMRs ex thinks we are dating. AC(ex) got my number.I just wanted him to be happy with her. So I told him that...I think it made him mad, but I was just being honest. Anyways, the night prevailed. I thought it was pretty funny that all of AMR's brothers were telling me to please give AMR a shot because they liked me better than her. Although its nice to be liked, I dont want to take over anyones place. I am me, I deserve my own place in someones life...not someone elses.
To add to drama gate 2009, shortly after the bringing in of the new year I passed out on KDK's floor like I said. Im not sure of the kind of drama that went down, because I was out for the count, but I know AMR and KDK got into it. First of all, they were both drunk. Second of all, both of them have separate feelings for me. Finally, I love them both to death so them arguing is just hilarious. Boys will be boys. That was the least of my worries.
somebody started texting me around 3am? Yep, AC. I mean this girl doesnt stop...Im sitting right next to AMR as she is blowing my phone up. I was getting pissed, but its whatevs. I always try to stay classy so I was being extremely nice to her. I just kept thinking to myself we are never gonna date. I can like this boy all I want, but Im never gonna be able to get over the whole situation. AMR starts texting her to get her to leave me alone, and it worked thank god. He was being a complete ass to her it was sooo funny. Theres this youtube video that we he and I always watch together about this guy with tourettes...so we quote it constantly. Especially the line where he is talking about total cereal. It came to a point where he texted her the line, "DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL!" I was dying inside. The best text response ever on her part, "WTF IS TOTAL!?" Epic.
After all the drama had settled, I was laying close to AMR. I wanted him to know that I was not gonna go anywhere when school started. I know he has this fear that as soon as school starts up again that I am gonna go back to my sorority life and completely forget about him. #1.Im not an a-hole #2. I like him #3. That would be really hard to do. So I told him how I felt. I think he appreciated it. One question is up in the air though. Are we dating? After I told him that, I thought about it for the longest time. I dont want to rush anything at all. Its whatever he wants. Additionally, I dont want to replace AC. That would be outlandish, ridic, and painful in the end. Not worth it. I guess I might want to figure this out.
Overall, I think I had a pretty great New Years. There are many things I would like to remember and forget about 2009. All I can say is I am going to take those times that I always want with me, and hold them close. As for everything else that I never want to think about again...that is getting left in 2009. Im looking for to spending 2010 the best I can.
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. New Years Resolution
1. Run a 1/2 marathon by July
2. 4.0 gpa goal for the next 2 quarters
3. kick the habit of smoking
4. drinking excessively is in the past(hopefully)or it will be
5. finding one person i cant live without and making them mine
cheers!
If you or anyone else thinks this night went down drama free, you are saddly mistake. There was plenty of drama to fill anyones hearts with desire. Where to begin...?
First of all, it sucked going into the night because my friend AMRs ex thinks we are dating. AC(ex) got my number.I just wanted him to be happy with her. So I told him that...I think it made him mad, but I was just being honest. Anyways, the night prevailed. I thought it was pretty funny that all of AMR's brothers were telling me to please give AMR a shot because they liked me better than her. Although its nice to be liked, I dont want to take over anyones place. I am me, I deserve my own place in someones life...not someone elses.
To add to drama gate 2009, shortly after the bringing in of the new year I passed out on KDK's floor like I said. Im not sure of the kind of drama that went down, because I was out for the count, but I know AMR and KDK got into it. First of all, they were both drunk. Second of all, both of them have separate feelings for me. Finally, I love them both to death so them arguing is just hilarious. Boys will be boys. That was the least of my worries.
somebody started texting me around 3am? Yep, AC. I mean this girl doesnt stop...Im sitting right next to AMR as she is blowing my phone up. I was getting pissed, but its whatevs. I always try to stay classy so I was being extremely nice to her. I just kept thinking to myself we are never gonna date. I can like this boy all I want, but Im never gonna be able to get over the whole situation. AMR starts texting her to get her to leave me alone, and it worked thank god. He was being a complete ass to her it was sooo funny. Theres this youtube video that we he and I always watch together about this guy with tourettes...so we quote it constantly. Especially the line where he is talking about total cereal. It came to a point where he texted her the line, "DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL!" I was dying inside. The best text response ever on her part, "WTF IS TOTAL!?" Epic.
After all the drama had settled, I was laying close to AMR. I wanted him to know that I was not gonna go anywhere when school started. I know he has this fear that as soon as school starts up again that I am gonna go back to my sorority life and completely forget about him. #1.Im not an a-hole #2. I like him #3. That would be really hard to do. So I told him how I felt. I think he appreciated it. One question is up in the air though. Are we dating? After I told him that, I thought about it for the longest time. I dont want to rush anything at all. Its whatever he wants. Additionally, I dont want to replace AC. That would be outlandish, ridic, and painful in the end. Not worth it. I guess I might want to figure this out.
Overall, I think I had a pretty great New Years. There are many things I would like to remember and forget about 2009. All I can say is I am going to take those times that I always want with me, and hold them close. As for everything else that I never want to think about again...that is getting left in 2009. Im looking for to spending 2010 the best I can.
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. New Years Resolution
1. Run a 1/2 marathon by July
2. 4.0 gpa goal for the next 2 quarters
3. kick the habit of smoking
4. drinking excessively is in the past(hopefully)or it will be
5. finding one person i cant live without and making them mine
cheers!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
REALLLLL MATURE!
Congratulations Me!! I suck. Oh wait, AMR and I both suck! Today, we both got speeding tickets driving back down to his place from our hometown. 70 in a 55...$130. OUCH! Fucking bullshit if you ask me. Apparently I got the vagina discount because I got caught on the radar going 70 in a 55, and AMR got caught going 69 in a 55...my ticket is $130 and his is $180. Not cool. I feel bad, I was the one keeping the fast pace. Oh well I guess:(
You know who I really miss around? CMG. I wish life was perfect and nothing will ever get in the way of your best friend. That girl knew me better than anyone...I hate not having her around to talk too, and get advice from.
Im trying to figure out what to do with my boy situation. I have all these boys asking me to do things, but I keep blowing them off. Yeahhh thats the way to handle it...REALLLL MATURE! ;) I really need to figure out this out before school starts again:/
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. Possibly NYC for New Years! Thats exciting.
You know who I really miss around? CMG. I wish life was perfect and nothing will ever get in the way of your best friend. That girl knew me better than anyone...I hate not having her around to talk too, and get advice from.
Im trying to figure out what to do with my boy situation. I have all these boys asking me to do things, but I keep blowing them off. Yeahhh thats the way to handle it...REALLLL MATURE! ;) I really need to figure out this out before school starts again:/
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. Possibly NYC for New Years! Thats exciting.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Trash TV
I love snow! Waking up in my hot pink bedroom, and looking out my window was amazing this morning.I cant believe the holiday season is already here, and almost over. Christmas is done with, and New Years is approaching fast. I still dont even know what to do for New Years this year. My dream is to go to New York City, but I dont think that is gonna happen. Plus, New Years with nobody to kiss when the ball drops just sucks. Im gonna have to collaborate and find some rocking ass plans. One disappointing to think about is I almost have to go back to school, and I have not even been sledding yet! I think maybe I will go today with my brother bear. I was supposed to go with AMR, but the more I think about it. He never called me when he said he wanted to go. Its best for me to just let him be anyways. Wise decision? I vote yes.
So being that its cold as ever outside...there is nothing to do. I am watching endless amounts of trash tv. I shouldnt say watching, its more like catching up. I love trash/reality tv. The two shows I am speaking of catching up on are Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami on E! and My Antonio on VH1. Haha.
Let me give you the low down...
Khloe and Kourtney air on the E! network. Its 2 of the Kardashian sisters who decide to leave the family nest, and travel to Miami to live for the summer. I mean obviously drama has to be involved or it wouldnt be on tv. Kourtney ends up getting pregnant by her ex boyfriend Scott(who her entire family hates). I mean literally this boy is lazy shit, still lives with his parents, and is jobless. To me thats not exactly the prime candidate to have a baby with. Whatever. Kourtney is gorgeous, and doesnt deserve a low life like him...she is also stupid though. Although she doesnt deserve to be with someone so dumb and ignorant, she was...and now shes pregnant. Thats her own fault, and his too. The problem I have is that she is considering an abortion! Are you kidding me!? Im not one of those crazy advocates for pro-life, but I mean seriously... Im against it. If you put yourself in that situation, deal with the consequences. Its called growing up, and being responsible.
My Antonio aires on VH1 and its about former model Antonio Sebato Jr. finding "true love." Haha. A complete joke to begin with. So 14 lovely and of course perfectly broken women were casted to be his match. First of all, true love you dont go looking for...it just happens. Its certainly not gonna be on national tv. Second of all, it will never last. After the finale occurs in the taping, the two who are supposedly in love are not allowed to see each other until the finale aires on tv so they dont spoil it. Im pretty sure love had to grow and distance wont aid in falling in love with that person more. The real kicker on the show was his ex-wife Tully was one of the 14 candidates. Out of 14 she made it down to be #3. Im sorry Antonio...if your ex-wife comes on your stupid tv show to fight for your love, she still loves you. After her going through that hard situation, you pick Brooke's dumb ass. Shes a nurse from Missouri...enough said. Advice: call up Tully. Tell her how you really feel. If she can ever forgive you for throwing her away as #3, then be with her.
Heres another nuisance...you know when your trying to forget about someone completely?? I bet you have been there too. Every stupid thing reminds me of them. Yuckkk. Im watching trash tv, and a Fridays commercial comes on!? Really?? FML!
Monday, December 28, 2009
The bright side...or so i thought.
Finding the bright side took more out of me than I thought I had in me. I picked up so many bad habits that I said I would never do...drinking excessively, smoking, having sex with someone I dont love, burning my best friend. They say everything happens for a reason, but I couldnt find this reason. I just thought my life was falling to pieces in front of me and I could do nothing, but watch every piece of it fade before my eyes. There are many people who came into my life during this point that were completely awful, and very few who made me feel like I should channel into an older version of me, the better version of myself. You see...becoming bitter at the world for the pain you feel, only destroys you. I see now that you should only smile and grow from the pain life puts on you. It lets you know that you're alive.
One of the only people I can say I had the honor to meet was CMG. This girl and I were inseparable. We always knew of each other, but we realized one precious thing when school continued on in the fall...the depression we had for life was parallel. We had the best lives...being in a top sorority at a big ten school, living in a wonderful house, great families, great friends, but we just couldn't be happy with all of that. It was like black clouds covered our worlds. After finally turning my sad self into the medical center, I realized my anxiety and depression was caused by a heart murmur I have had since august 3rd, 1989, my birthday. My heart heart murmur causes my heart to beat abnormally fast, causing me to be fatigued and anxious. Through the quarter I became stressed beyond my limit, and starting having a series of panic attacks. Panic attacks are scary shit. It feels like someone is sitting on chest, and your trying to breath with a plastic bag over your face. From having these, I developed depression. Not cool. I was diagnosed Klonopin for the anxiety, and Zoloft for the depression. Im a walking drug cabinet now.
Recovery from this I was told was going to be a longggg process. Oh fucking great right? Scared, but happy to stop feeling like I cant breathe I was trying to move on the best I can. Cait and I spent almost 4 days a week, getting ourselves wasted beyond belief. Hilarious, but dangerous. My kidneys and liver had to = EPIC FAIL.
Heres the thing about relationships. They are never perfect, and just like life...so much can go wrong in a heartbeat. The wrong words could be used, the wrong actions could be taken, or the wrong person can come back into someones live. Ultimately, fate works everything out how it should be. No matter how perfect two people are, if its not the right time it wont happen. This is the bright side. The bright side is waiting for that chance, knowing that someday someone wonderful is gonna come into your life and put the smile on your face every morning. Maybe you have known this person your whole life, part of it, or just met them tonight. It will happen though. I have spent so much time on wasted relationships, Im not looking anymore. When I find that person that is always on my mind, and doesn't have someone else in his life...he is all mine. As for friendships, such as mine and CMG's, and KDK's everything will work out in time...I hope. Friendships are there as a support system, no one is ever gonna be the perfect friend or everything you want them to be. All you can do as someones friend is be the best you can, if you make mistakes hone up to them. Friends fight like couples, thats nothing new. You become so comfortable with that one person, that you think anything you do cannot hurt them. This is completely wrong. Everything you do can hurt them. The bright side to friends, is through your mistakes you learn how to be a better one. Its not easy to be a best friend. Its also not easy to go from liking someone to being a kick ass friend for them, but life is not easy. Tomorrow is another day... im looking on the bright side.
Forever and Always, Danielle
its times like these...
Life comes at you quick. Unfortunately, nobody growing up tells you how quickly it can go bad either. Its funny how one minute, you could be the happiest person in the world...and the next minute, you could be drunk on wine taking anxiety meds.
I never thought I would be the girl looking in the mirror, and thinking "what the FUCK happened to me." Lately, this is what I have become. When I was just a senior in high school I had the world at my fingertips, and now a junior in college I feel as if I dont know who I am anymore. God wrote the bible, but isnt there a more modern version of how to live life? Maybe I should write that.
Thats me...
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Before i explain my story...I am a butterfly. I float on from day to day. I live and love everything in this world. I am as social as anyone can be, and always wear a smile on my face. Its me who picks up every sad and lonely depressed person as my friend, because like an angel I always cheer people up. Im the kinda girl that doesnt care what anyone cares about me, and lives each day like her last. I love to love, but hate to be hurt. The hardest thing I ever went through in life was my parents getting a divorce, my dad cheated on my mom and never came home from a business trip. It ruined me. Up until then I had no idea what pain was, and from now on...I live with that pain. I carry it with me day to day, I always think people are out to hurt me. Therefore I never let my guard down.
To explain the downward spiral of my life. It begins with a serious boyfriend, for the sake of privacy we can refer to him as AJS. AJS was my dream. Tall, dark, and handsome...he had the presence of angel, or so i thought. I spend two years of my life with someone who eventually hit me. Its times like that...they make you think why? Why did I envision myself marrying this person? Why would he do that? How did I not see it coming? Why did I stay with him after he did it for almost another year? Why did I love him? After him, my life seemed useless. I had forgetten how to live for me and me only. He is the reason why I never let my guard down.
Learning how to live for me, after the AJS storm, I met the best person that will have ever come into my life. The summer of 2008 was the best summer of my life, and always will be. I ended something that should have ended a longgg time ago, and found something I couldnt live without. They always say that when one door closes, another door opens. AJS closed, and APB's door opened. APB was a server who worked with me on the beach, and little did I know he attended one of the high schools in the town over from me. We became best friends, he was there for me with everything I went through with AJS. Never did that boy leave my side. There was one problem with our friendship though, we didnt quick know how to be friends. We both felt like we had known each other our whole lives, and aside from that we were attracted to each other. That summer, we spent every night on the pier talking about life. It was on that same pier that our relationship began. One night I got off work, and a rose was in my drivers seat of my car. Attached to it was a hand drawn map, this map lead me to the pier. When I pulled into the pier, APB's car was there, on the passenger window a note read: "Danielle, you know where to go...the flashlight is the passenger seat." I immediatly grabbed the flashlight and started running as fast as I could to the rock that we always sat on talking. When I got there, a rose was laid on it with another note that read: "use the flashlight and read the message your standing on. I stood back and tilted the flashlight down to read that cliche phrase, "will you be my girlfriend?" That moment changed my life forever. APB and I lasted a year and a 1/2 of amazing amazing memories, until I broke down and couldnt handle myself. I had everything I wanted in life and more, but I just had lost touch with the one person I needed to keep touch with...myself.
After APB, I went back to my shitty ass ways of life...dating assholes. Assholes that had no right to be with me. After losing APB in the summer of 09, class reajourned at Ohio State. I tried to forget about APB the best I could. However, I lost my life more in the process of finding it. I can honestly say now though...that after being to hell and back Im looking on the bright side.
I never thought I would be the girl looking in the mirror, and thinking "what the FUCK happened to me." Lately, this is what I have become. When I was just a senior in high school I had the world at my fingertips, and now a junior in college I feel as if I dont know who I am anymore. God wrote the bible, but isnt there a more modern version of how to live life? Maybe I should write that.
Thats me...
.jpg)
Before i explain my story...I am a butterfly. I float on from day to day. I live and love everything in this world. I am as social as anyone can be, and always wear a smile on my face. Its me who picks up every sad and lonely depressed person as my friend, because like an angel I always cheer people up. Im the kinda girl that doesnt care what anyone cares about me, and lives each day like her last. I love to love, but hate to be hurt. The hardest thing I ever went through in life was my parents getting a divorce, my dad cheated on my mom and never came home from a business trip. It ruined me. Up until then I had no idea what pain was, and from now on...I live with that pain. I carry it with me day to day, I always think people are out to hurt me. Therefore I never let my guard down.
To explain the downward spiral of my life. It begins with a serious boyfriend, for the sake of privacy we can refer to him as AJS. AJS was my dream. Tall, dark, and handsome...he had the presence of angel, or so i thought. I spend two years of my life with someone who eventually hit me. Its times like that...they make you think why? Why did I envision myself marrying this person? Why would he do that? How did I not see it coming? Why did I stay with him after he did it for almost another year? Why did I love him? After him, my life seemed useless. I had forgetten how to live for me and me only. He is the reason why I never let my guard down.
Learning how to live for me, after the AJS storm, I met the best person that will have ever come into my life. The summer of 2008 was the best summer of my life, and always will be. I ended something that should have ended a longgg time ago, and found something I couldnt live without. They always say that when one door closes, another door opens. AJS closed, and APB's door opened. APB was a server who worked with me on the beach, and little did I know he attended one of the high schools in the town over from me. We became best friends, he was there for me with everything I went through with AJS. Never did that boy leave my side. There was one problem with our friendship though, we didnt quick know how to be friends. We both felt like we had known each other our whole lives, and aside from that we were attracted to each other. That summer, we spent every night on the pier talking about life. It was on that same pier that our relationship began. One night I got off work, and a rose was in my drivers seat of my car. Attached to it was a hand drawn map, this map lead me to the pier. When I pulled into the pier, APB's car was there, on the passenger window a note read: "Danielle, you know where to go...the flashlight is the passenger seat." I immediatly grabbed the flashlight and started running as fast as I could to the rock that we always sat on talking. When I got there, a rose was laid on it with another note that read: "use the flashlight and read the message your standing on. I stood back and tilted the flashlight down to read that cliche phrase, "will you be my girlfriend?" That moment changed my life forever. APB and I lasted a year and a 1/2 of amazing amazing memories, until I broke down and couldnt handle myself. I had everything I wanted in life and more, but I just had lost touch with the one person I needed to keep touch with...myself.
After APB, I went back to my shitty ass ways of life...dating assholes. Assholes that had no right to be with me. After losing APB in the summer of 09, class reajourned at Ohio State. I tried to forget about APB the best I could. However, I lost my life more in the process of finding it. I can honestly say now though...that after being to hell and back Im looking on the bright side.
Forever and Always, Danielle
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