its times like these...

Life comes at you quick. Unfortunately, nobody growing up tells you how quickly it can go bad either. Its funny how one minute, you could be the happiest person in the world...and the next minute, you could be drunk on wine taking anxiety meds.

I never thought I would be the girl looking in the mirror, and thinking "what the FUCK happened to me." Lately, this is what I have become. When I was just a senior in high school I had the world at my fingertips, and now a junior in college I feel as if I dont know who I am anymore. God wrote the bible, but isnt there a more modern version of how to live life? Maybe I should write that.

Thats me...

Before i explain my story...I am a butterfly. I float on from day to day. I live and love everything in this world. I am as social as anyone can be, and always wear a smile on my face. Its me who picks up every sad and lonely depressed person as my friend, because like an angel I always cheer people up. Im the kinda girl that doesnt care what anyone cares about me, and lives each day like her last. I love to love, but hate to be hurt. The hardest thing I ever went through in life was my parents getting a divorce, my dad cheated on my mom and never came home from a business trip. It ruined me. Up until then I had no idea what pain was, and from now on...I live with that pain. I carry it with me day to day, I always think people are out to hurt me. Therefore I never let my guard down.

To explain the downward spiral of my life. It begins with a serious boyfriend, for the sake of privacy we can refer to him as AJS. AJS was my dream. Tall, dark, and handsome...he had the presence of angel, or so i thought. I spend two years of my life with someone who eventually hit me. Its times like that...they make you think why? Why did I envision myself marrying this person? Why would he do that? How did I not see it coming? Why did I stay with him after he did it for almost another year? Why did I love him? After him, my life seemed useless. I had forgetten how to live for me and me only. He is the reason why I never let my guard down.

Learning how to live for me, after the AJS storm, I met the best person that will have ever come into my life. The summer of 2008 was the best summer of my life, and always will be. I ended something that should have ended a longgg time ago, and found something I couldnt live without. They always say that when one door closes, another door opens. AJS closed, and APB's door opened. APB was a server who worked with me on the beach, and little did I know he attended one of the high schools in the town over from me. We became best friends, he was there for me with everything I went through with AJS. Never did that boy leave my side. There was one problem with our friendship though, we didnt quick know how to be friends. We both felt like we had known each other our whole lives, and aside from that we were attracted to each other. That summer, we spent every night on the pier talking about life. It was on that same pier that our relationship began. One night I got off work, and a rose was in my drivers seat of my car. Attached to it was a hand drawn map, this map lead me to the pier. When I pulled into the pier, APB's car was there, on the passenger window a note read: "Danielle, you know where to go...the flashlight is the passenger seat." I immediatly grabbed the flashlight and started running as fast as I could to the rock that we always sat on talking. When I got there, a rose was laid on it with another note that read: "use the flashlight and read the message your standing on. I stood back and tilted the flashlight down to read that cliche phrase, "will you be my girlfriend?" That moment changed my life forever. APB and I lasted a year and a 1/2 of amazing amazing memories, until I broke down and couldnt handle myself. I had everything I wanted in life and more, but I just had lost touch with the one person I needed to keep touch with...myself.

After APB, I went back to my shitty ass ways of life...dating assholes. Assholes that had no right to be with me. After losing APB in the summer of 09, class reajourned at Ohio State. I tried to forget about APB the best I could. However, I lost my life more in the process of finding it. I can honestly say now though...that after being to hell and back Im looking on the bright side.

Forever and Always, Danielle