The bright side...or so i thought.

Finding the bright side took more out of me than I thought I had in me. I picked up so many bad habits that I said I would never do...drinking excessively, smoking, having sex with someone I dont love, burning my best friend. They say everything happens for a reason, but I couldnt find this reason. I just thought my life was falling to pieces in front of me and I could do nothing, but watch every piece of it fade before my eyes. There are many people who came into my life during this point that were completely awful, and very few who made me feel like I should channel into an older version of me, the better version of myself. You see...becoming bitter at the world for the pain you feel, only destroys you. I see now that you should only smile and grow from the pain life puts on you. It lets you know that you're alive.

One of the only people I can say I had the honor to meet was CMG. This girl and I were inseparable. We always knew of each other, but we realized one precious thing when school continued on in the fall...the depression we had for life was parallel. We had the best lives...being in a top sorority at a big ten school, living in a wonderful house, great families, great friends, but we just couldn't be happy with all of that. It was like black clouds covered our worlds. After finally turning my sad self into the medical center, I realized my anxiety and depression was caused by a heart murmur I have had since august 3rd, 1989, my birthday. My heart heart murmur causes my heart to beat abnormally fast, causing me to be fatigued and anxious. Through the quarter I became stressed beyond my limit, and starting having a series of panic attacks. Panic attacks are scary shit. It feels like someone is sitting on chest, and your trying to breath with a plastic bag over your face. From having these, I developed depression. Not cool. I was diagnosed Klonopin for the anxiety, and Zoloft for the depression. Im a walking drug cabinet now.

Recovery from this I was told was going to be a longggg process. Oh fucking great right? Scared, but happy to stop feeling like I cant breathe I was trying to move on the best I can. Cait and I spent almost 4 days a week, getting ourselves wasted beyond belief. Hilarious, but dangerous. My kidneys and liver had to = EPIC FAIL.

Heres the thing about relationships. They are never perfect, and just like life...so much can go wrong in a heartbeat. The wrong words could be used, the wrong actions could be taken, or the wrong person can come back into someones live. Ultimately, fate works everything out how it should be. No matter how perfect two people are, if its not the right time it wont happen. This is the bright side. The bright side is waiting for that chance, knowing that someday someone wonderful is gonna come into your life and put the smile on your face every morning. Maybe you have known this person your whole life, part of it, or just met them tonight. It will happen though. I have spent so much time on wasted relationships, Im not looking anymore. When I find that person that is always on my mind, and doesn't have someone else in his life...he is all mine. As for friendships, such as mine and CMG's, and KDK's everything will work out in time...I hope. Friendships are there as a support system, no one is ever gonna be the perfect friend or everything you want them to be. All you can do as someones friend is be the best you can, if you make mistakes hone up to them. Friends fight like couples, thats nothing new. You become so comfortable with that one person, that you think anything you do cannot hurt them. This is completely wrong. Everything you do can hurt them. The bright side to friends, is through your mistakes you learn how to be a better one. Its not easy to be a best friend. Its also not easy to go from liking someone to being a kick ass friend for them, but life is not easy. Tomorrow is another day... im looking on the bright side.

Forever and Always, Danielle