the common fallacy

Why is it ingrained into every girls head to rush into getting married? I was just listening to a conversation I walked in on strolling through my sorority house. It started off like this, "i just want to get married." I was casually walking, heard that, and then came to a dead stop. WTFFFF is the obsession? I walk over there and my friend who I love dearly is sitting on the couch...covered in wedding magazines!? "Danielle, I just want to get married," she says. It took all I had not to laugh at her. She goes on to tell me about her perfect guy, the perfect wedding, and how she wants a $50,000 wedding ring before she is graduated from college. Holy shit balls! That is a fuck ton of money, is she insane? No guy in their right mind(at least I hope) would ever spend that much...unless your Mariah Carey. In that case, with that name and voice, you get what you want I guess. Haha. It just took me by surprise that she would be talking about this when she is a junior in college. I mean, yeah come on...we were all little girls looking at our parents wedding pictures, and then scoping men on tv to be our husbands. Technically, by now I believe I have over 50 husbands. I played the marriage game with every little neighbor boy I could find back in the day...I was a lil trollop in my prime childhood, my mom probably thought I was a mormon practicing polygamy. She looked out the window everyday to me picking dandelions, having my baby brother walk me down the sidewalk, and marry a different boy. Hahaha. It must have been grand.

Somewhere along the line though, I gained my consciousness with life. GETTING MARRIED IS NO JOKE. Nowadays, most people might see marriage as being synonamous with the phrase, "Game over." I do sometimes, not gonna lie. Its not that Im a slutty, its just that Im not gonna be another statistic added to the divorce rate. Divorce in my book is synonmous with, "you suck at life, or the person you married does." I just know that when I get married, Im gonna do it right, no bullshit. If it takes me 10 more years or 2 years, i'll do it. Time shouldnt be an issue with a decision that is going to affect the rest of your life. It seems to me that a lot of my sorority sisters are dead set with meeting someone before they graduate college. I dont think they understand how hard it is though. You cant just date the first guy who looks at you the right way...and who even says the person you're gonna marry is even at this college? There are 498749863 colleges across the world, and he may be cruising those stomping grounds instead. Maybe i have a distorted view of marriage, because my parents went through a really rough divorce...but I still have a great perception of it all. I still think marriage is a great thing, and that it CAN be wonderful. Girls and guys dont realize how much WORK(yes i said, work) it is though. Its like a second job. You have to constantly be working at it, or it will fall apart. When someone gets married, they have to understand that...yes they may have a daytime job, but as soon as they come home they have a PM shift in marriage. The person you marry shouldnt make it seem like work, but once you exchange "I do's" it is that way subconsciously.

A second common misconception of the whole marriage idea with girls is...THERE IS NO PERFECT GUY OUT THERE. I dont care how much anyone tries to talk their man up, its complete and utter bullshit. Every guy you will find has little habits that make you want to cringe after you endure them for so long. Examples: Chewing with their mouth open, burping, farting, peeing with the bathroom door open for the world to see, smoking way too much pot, biting their nails, spitting like a baseball player on the pitchers mound, acting immature with guy friends, lighting stuff on fire, being lazy, working out excessively, or being insensitive...you get the idea. Im not tryin to demoralize men, because women have habits too. After any guy dates a girl for a long enough time he will find something she does occasionally to be annoying. Examples: Taking a generous amount of time to get ready to go anywhere, spraying purfume excessively, stealing the covers in bed at night, wanting to cuddle after sex when a guy just wants to sleep, being moody, buying shit loads of stuff she doesnt need...etc. No one person is perfect, so nobody can search for someone with every quality they want. I posted a blog earlier in the week with the qualities I look for in a man, but thats a ridiculous dream/wish and I know it. I could find a guy with every quality I asked for, but even he is gonna have a flaw. I wish my sorority girls understood this. No "jesus" is gonna pop out of the woodwork.

My sorority sisters need to chill out with the marriage talk, and focus on school. Searching for the "man nirvana" is a huge distraction, and will only delay a true relationship from forming. The way boys and girls should approach the subject from my standpoint is...Dont look for the perfect person to marry, the situation will find you. There is a complete difference between lust and love, and you want to be sure what you have is real. Your life partner could be your best friend, an acquintance, or a stranger. You also want to be established with your own life enough, to let someone else in. Someone else cant bring you joy, you have to be content with yourself first. Dont expect lavish things(i.e. $50,000 ring) because those kinds of luxuries wont bring you true happiness, finding love that will remain until you're old and pass away will bring you happiness. Everyone has to keep that in mind.

Jeez...all this time, I thought I came to a college where smart and educated people surrounded me. I didnt know I had all these people who are so obsessed with something that they have a false perception of. Haha.

Forever and Always, Danielle