Congratulations Me!! I suck. Oh wait, AMR and I both suck! Today, we both got speeding tickets driving back down to his place from our hometown. 70 in a 55...$130. OUCH! Fucking bullshit if you ask me. Apparently I got the vagina discount because I got caught on the radar going 70 in a 55, and AMR got caught going 69 in a 55...my ticket is $130 and his is $180. Not cool. I feel bad, I was the one keeping the fast pace. Oh well I guess:(
You know who I really miss around? CMG. I wish life was perfect and nothing will ever get in the way of your best friend. That girl knew me better than anyone...I hate not having her around to talk too, and get advice from.
Im trying to figure out what to do with my boy situation. I have all these boys asking me to do things, but I keep blowing them off. Yeahhh thats the way to handle it...REALLLL MATURE! ;) I really need to figure out this out before school starts again:/
Forever and Always, Danielle
P.S. Possibly NYC for New Years! Thats exciting.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Trash TV
I love snow! Waking up in my hot pink bedroom, and looking out my window was amazing this morning.I cant believe the holiday season is already here, and almost over. Christmas is done with, and New Years is approaching fast. I still dont even know what to do for New Years this year. My dream is to go to New York City, but I dont think that is gonna happen. Plus, New Years with nobody to kiss when the ball drops just sucks. Im gonna have to collaborate and find some rocking ass plans. One disappointing to think about is I almost have to go back to school, and I have not even been sledding yet! I think maybe I will go today with my brother bear. I was supposed to go with AMR, but the more I think about it. He never called me when he said he wanted to go. Its best for me to just let him be anyways. Wise decision? I vote yes.
So being that its cold as ever outside...there is nothing to do. I am watching endless amounts of trash tv. I shouldnt say watching, its more like catching up. I love trash/reality tv. The two shows I am speaking of catching up on are Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami on E! and My Antonio on VH1. Haha.
Let me give you the low down...
Khloe and Kourtney air on the E! network. Its 2 of the Kardashian sisters who decide to leave the family nest, and travel to Miami to live for the summer. I mean obviously drama has to be involved or it wouldnt be on tv. Kourtney ends up getting pregnant by her ex boyfriend Scott(who her entire family hates). I mean literally this boy is lazy shit, still lives with his parents, and is jobless. To me thats not exactly the prime candidate to have a baby with. Whatever. Kourtney is gorgeous, and doesnt deserve a low life like him...she is also stupid though. Although she doesnt deserve to be with someone so dumb and ignorant, she was...and now shes pregnant. Thats her own fault, and his too. The problem I have is that she is considering an abortion! Are you kidding me!? Im not one of those crazy advocates for pro-life, but I mean seriously... Im against it. If you put yourself in that situation, deal with the consequences. Its called growing up, and being responsible.
My Antonio aires on VH1 and its about former model Antonio Sebato Jr. finding "true love." Haha. A complete joke to begin with. So 14 lovely and of course perfectly broken women were casted to be his match. First of all, true love you dont go looking for...it just happens. Its certainly not gonna be on national tv. Second of all, it will never last. After the finale occurs in the taping, the two who are supposedly in love are not allowed to see each other until the finale aires on tv so they dont spoil it. Im pretty sure love had to grow and distance wont aid in falling in love with that person more. The real kicker on the show was his ex-wife Tully was one of the 14 candidates. Out of 14 she made it down to be #3. Im sorry Antonio...if your ex-wife comes on your stupid tv show to fight for your love, she still loves you. After her going through that hard situation, you pick Brooke's dumb ass. Shes a nurse from Missouri...enough said. Advice: call up Tully. Tell her how you really feel. If she can ever forgive you for throwing her away as #3, then be with her.
Heres another nuisance...you know when your trying to forget about someone completely?? I bet you have been there too. Every stupid thing reminds me of them. Yuckkk. Im watching trash tv, and a Fridays commercial comes on!? Really?? FML!
Monday, December 28, 2009
The bright side...or so i thought.
Finding the bright side took more out of me than I thought I had in me. I picked up so many bad habits that I said I would never do...drinking excessively, smoking, having sex with someone I dont love, burning my best friend. They say everything happens for a reason, but I couldnt find this reason. I just thought my life was falling to pieces in front of me and I could do nothing, but watch every piece of it fade before my eyes. There are many people who came into my life during this point that were completely awful, and very few who made me feel like I should channel into an older version of me, the better version of myself. You see...becoming bitter at the world for the pain you feel, only destroys you. I see now that you should only smile and grow from the pain life puts on you. It lets you know that you're alive.
One of the only people I can say I had the honor to meet was CMG. This girl and I were inseparable. We always knew of each other, but we realized one precious thing when school continued on in the fall...the depression we had for life was parallel. We had the best lives...being in a top sorority at a big ten school, living in a wonderful house, great families, great friends, but we just couldn't be happy with all of that. It was like black clouds covered our worlds. After finally turning my sad self into the medical center, I realized my anxiety and depression was caused by a heart murmur I have had since august 3rd, 1989, my birthday. My heart heart murmur causes my heart to beat abnormally fast, causing me to be fatigued and anxious. Through the quarter I became stressed beyond my limit, and starting having a series of panic attacks. Panic attacks are scary shit. It feels like someone is sitting on chest, and your trying to breath with a plastic bag over your face. From having these, I developed depression. Not cool. I was diagnosed Klonopin for the anxiety, and Zoloft for the depression. Im a walking drug cabinet now.
Recovery from this I was told was going to be a longggg process. Oh fucking great right? Scared, but happy to stop feeling like I cant breathe I was trying to move on the best I can. Cait and I spent almost 4 days a week, getting ourselves wasted beyond belief. Hilarious, but dangerous. My kidneys and liver had to = EPIC FAIL.
Heres the thing about relationships. They are never perfect, and just like life...so much can go wrong in a heartbeat. The wrong words could be used, the wrong actions could be taken, or the wrong person can come back into someones live. Ultimately, fate works everything out how it should be. No matter how perfect two people are, if its not the right time it wont happen. This is the bright side. The bright side is waiting for that chance, knowing that someday someone wonderful is gonna come into your life and put the smile on your face every morning. Maybe you have known this person your whole life, part of it, or just met them tonight. It will happen though. I have spent so much time on wasted relationships, Im not looking anymore. When I find that person that is always on my mind, and doesn't have someone else in his life...he is all mine. As for friendships, such as mine and CMG's, and KDK's everything will work out in time...I hope. Friendships are there as a support system, no one is ever gonna be the perfect friend or everything you want them to be. All you can do as someones friend is be the best you can, if you make mistakes hone up to them. Friends fight like couples, thats nothing new. You become so comfortable with that one person, that you think anything you do cannot hurt them. This is completely wrong. Everything you do can hurt them. The bright side to friends, is through your mistakes you learn how to be a better one. Its not easy to be a best friend. Its also not easy to go from liking someone to being a kick ass friend for them, but life is not easy. Tomorrow is another day... im looking on the bright side.
Forever and Always, Danielle
its times like these...
Life comes at you quick. Unfortunately, nobody growing up tells you how quickly it can go bad either. Its funny how one minute, you could be the happiest person in the world...and the next minute, you could be drunk on wine taking anxiety meds.
I never thought I would be the girl looking in the mirror, and thinking "what the FUCK happened to me." Lately, this is what I have become. When I was just a senior in high school I had the world at my fingertips, and now a junior in college I feel as if I dont know who I am anymore. God wrote the bible, but isnt there a more modern version of how to live life? Maybe I should write that.
Thats me...
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Before i explain my story...I am a butterfly. I float on from day to day. I live and love everything in this world. I am as social as anyone can be, and always wear a smile on my face. Its me who picks up every sad and lonely depressed person as my friend, because like an angel I always cheer people up. Im the kinda girl that doesnt care what anyone cares about me, and lives each day like her last. I love to love, but hate to be hurt. The hardest thing I ever went through in life was my parents getting a divorce, my dad cheated on my mom and never came home from a business trip. It ruined me. Up until then I had no idea what pain was, and from now on...I live with that pain. I carry it with me day to day, I always think people are out to hurt me. Therefore I never let my guard down.
To explain the downward spiral of my life. It begins with a serious boyfriend, for the sake of privacy we can refer to him as AJS. AJS was my dream. Tall, dark, and handsome...he had the presence of angel, or so i thought. I spend two years of my life with someone who eventually hit me. Its times like that...they make you think why? Why did I envision myself marrying this person? Why would he do that? How did I not see it coming? Why did I stay with him after he did it for almost another year? Why did I love him? After him, my life seemed useless. I had forgetten how to live for me and me only. He is the reason why I never let my guard down.
Learning how to live for me, after the AJS storm, I met the best person that will have ever come into my life. The summer of 2008 was the best summer of my life, and always will be. I ended something that should have ended a longgg time ago, and found something I couldnt live without. They always say that when one door closes, another door opens. AJS closed, and APB's door opened. APB was a server who worked with me on the beach, and little did I know he attended one of the high schools in the town over from me. We became best friends, he was there for me with everything I went through with AJS. Never did that boy leave my side. There was one problem with our friendship though, we didnt quick know how to be friends. We both felt like we had known each other our whole lives, and aside from that we were attracted to each other. That summer, we spent every night on the pier talking about life. It was on that same pier that our relationship began. One night I got off work, and a rose was in my drivers seat of my car. Attached to it was a hand drawn map, this map lead me to the pier. When I pulled into the pier, APB's car was there, on the passenger window a note read: "Danielle, you know where to go...the flashlight is the passenger seat." I immediatly grabbed the flashlight and started running as fast as I could to the rock that we always sat on talking. When I got there, a rose was laid on it with another note that read: "use the flashlight and read the message your standing on. I stood back and tilted the flashlight down to read that cliche phrase, "will you be my girlfriend?" That moment changed my life forever. APB and I lasted a year and a 1/2 of amazing amazing memories, until I broke down and couldnt handle myself. I had everything I wanted in life and more, but I just had lost touch with the one person I needed to keep touch with...myself.
After APB, I went back to my shitty ass ways of life...dating assholes. Assholes that had no right to be with me. After losing APB in the summer of 09, class reajourned at Ohio State. I tried to forget about APB the best I could. However, I lost my life more in the process of finding it. I can honestly say now though...that after being to hell and back Im looking on the bright side.
I never thought I would be the girl looking in the mirror, and thinking "what the FUCK happened to me." Lately, this is what I have become. When I was just a senior in high school I had the world at my fingertips, and now a junior in college I feel as if I dont know who I am anymore. God wrote the bible, but isnt there a more modern version of how to live life? Maybe I should write that.
Thats me...
.jpg)
Before i explain my story...I am a butterfly. I float on from day to day. I live and love everything in this world. I am as social as anyone can be, and always wear a smile on my face. Its me who picks up every sad and lonely depressed person as my friend, because like an angel I always cheer people up. Im the kinda girl that doesnt care what anyone cares about me, and lives each day like her last. I love to love, but hate to be hurt. The hardest thing I ever went through in life was my parents getting a divorce, my dad cheated on my mom and never came home from a business trip. It ruined me. Up until then I had no idea what pain was, and from now on...I live with that pain. I carry it with me day to day, I always think people are out to hurt me. Therefore I never let my guard down.
To explain the downward spiral of my life. It begins with a serious boyfriend, for the sake of privacy we can refer to him as AJS. AJS was my dream. Tall, dark, and handsome...he had the presence of angel, or so i thought. I spend two years of my life with someone who eventually hit me. Its times like that...they make you think why? Why did I envision myself marrying this person? Why would he do that? How did I not see it coming? Why did I stay with him after he did it for almost another year? Why did I love him? After him, my life seemed useless. I had forgetten how to live for me and me only. He is the reason why I never let my guard down.
Learning how to live for me, after the AJS storm, I met the best person that will have ever come into my life. The summer of 2008 was the best summer of my life, and always will be. I ended something that should have ended a longgg time ago, and found something I couldnt live without. They always say that when one door closes, another door opens. AJS closed, and APB's door opened. APB was a server who worked with me on the beach, and little did I know he attended one of the high schools in the town over from me. We became best friends, he was there for me with everything I went through with AJS. Never did that boy leave my side. There was one problem with our friendship though, we didnt quick know how to be friends. We both felt like we had known each other our whole lives, and aside from that we were attracted to each other. That summer, we spent every night on the pier talking about life. It was on that same pier that our relationship began. One night I got off work, and a rose was in my drivers seat of my car. Attached to it was a hand drawn map, this map lead me to the pier. When I pulled into the pier, APB's car was there, on the passenger window a note read: "Danielle, you know where to go...the flashlight is the passenger seat." I immediatly grabbed the flashlight and started running as fast as I could to the rock that we always sat on talking. When I got there, a rose was laid on it with another note that read: "use the flashlight and read the message your standing on. I stood back and tilted the flashlight down to read that cliche phrase, "will you be my girlfriend?" That moment changed my life forever. APB and I lasted a year and a 1/2 of amazing amazing memories, until I broke down and couldnt handle myself. I had everything I wanted in life and more, but I just had lost touch with the one person I needed to keep touch with...myself.
After APB, I went back to my shitty ass ways of life...dating assholes. Assholes that had no right to be with me. After losing APB in the summer of 09, class reajourned at Ohio State. I tried to forget about APB the best I could. However, I lost my life more in the process of finding it. I can honestly say now though...that after being to hell and back Im looking on the bright side.
Forever and Always, Danielle
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