a profile for the raymond

As a second grader, Raymond John could be found rebelling against the reins of life. Peeing in the front yard after getting off the school bus, disobeying his mother, and learning to hunt are just a few of the hobbies he pursued in his early years.

Sixteen years later he has accomplished three years of studying at The Ohio State University in the field of finance and entrepreneurship, and has managed to find time to create and start his own business concept. Additionally, he dabbles in the stock market finding innovative ways to invest his hard earned dollars.

Raymond grew up living in the desolate farm and hillbilly infested, Mansfield, Ohio. In elementary he quickly made friends with Henny Penny. HP, a chicken with a passion for life, spent her time on planet earth frolicking with Raymond in their backyard.

Tragically, their time was cut short when Raymond's family dog, Sebastien, took a bite out of her. Raymond was devastated over his loss, but said to his mother, "the chicken and the dog got into a fight, and the best one lost...i would have felt better if we could have ate her."

Moving on from twisted younger years, Raymond has continued to excel in hunting small and large game. Stopping the beating hearts of innocent creatures gives him enormous amounts of pleasure almost equivalent to the modern day orgasm. One of his favorite reflections of hunting is from his trip to Africa where he wounded a 1,000 lb. Kudu, and watched it fall down the mountain alive. He then murdered it using three more bullets, one at point blank range to the heart. His words to describe his kill were "exhilarating and tragic."

Upon entering final quarter of his sophomore year at Ohio State University he met his girlfriend, Danielle. After riding in a taxi home from Lodge Bar together, they have been inseparable for almost a year. In Raymonds free time he enjoys: laughing, tickling, making fun of, torturing, and throwing the tiny Danielle in weird places. He finds it relaxing, and is happy that has found someone who puts up with his lovable bullshit.

He also enjoys taking care of the tiny one that she is. It makes him feel like he is doing volunteer work when he carries Danielle's lifeless body to her bed after she has had too much to drink. All in all, he refers to his relationship as "healthy and normal."

Raymond hopes to continue being tall, goofy and professional for many days to come. He does not plan on growing up until he is 30 years old.

Life in the fast lane.

Sit back and enjoy the show! That's what they say in show business, but it should also be a slogan for my life. I swear if I could get paid for every time someone laughs at something I do or say, I would be a millionaire. I guess that means I should be a comedian, but Im not much for cracking jokes. I just live my life, and somehow everyone finds humor in it somewhere. It gets me.

Today I have accomplished eating some shitty food, taking a final exam, and napping. Im quite the star let me tell you. I wish I could have accomplished all the things I actually wanted to do today. Such as putting my money in the bank, cleaning my room and Sully's cage(my hero of a parakeet), and studying for more finals. Im 0-4 and it is 6p.m., that "stuff" is not getting done.